The Low-Stakes Summer: Ditching the Guilt and Finding Our Summer Rhythm
The school year is DONE.
How?!?
It went by in a flash!
And even though I am a stay-at-home-parent, I am not prepared for the summer. I thought I would be, but having a toddler (side note, I can’t believe he isn’t my little baby anymore! He is a parkour loving ray of sunshine) does not make prepping anything easy. I’m lucky to do a full laundry cycle most days (wash, dry, put away), and there is only so much I can squeeze into nap time.
Now usually, my lack of readiness would send me some what spiraling. I’d feel terrible that I hadn’t planned a fun-filled summer brimming with cozy magic for the kids, and then make up for that by spending a butt load of money on stuff. Said stuff would be played with once or twice, and then I’d worry about the negative impact my spending is having on the environment and my family.
But this year is going to be different.
Much like my manifesto, I’ve decided to set up some guidelines for myself, to help me navigate this summer with an 8 year old, and 18 month old.
My goals? To have a guilt-free, fun-filled summer.
Because I know my kids will benefit from a happy, balanced mother over one who is constantly fretting.
When Mama is happy, everyone is happy.
This is how I plan on bringing my A game to the summer:
Screen time in moderation
We are not a screen-free house. I wish we were. I know there is good quality guidance from the AAP around screen time for infants, and I hate that I have had to rely on a screen at times, but it’s a lifesaver. Sometimes, I get to clean a whole room with minimal interruptions, or even have a shower. The kids aren’t going to be plopped in front of the TV 24/7 (though screen time goes up when we’ve had bouts of sickness), but I’m not going to feel bad if I have to pop the TV on.
Accept the house won’t be as clean as I like
I think due to how much mess and clutter is unsettling for me, I will have some sort of routine, but I also believe that mess is the price we pay for creative, happy children. I’d rather be playing with the kids than cleaning, so I think I’ll be relaxing how much cleaning I get (or don’t get) done.
Everyone is going to learn to clean though
My red flag as a homemaker is that I’ll ask everyone to clean, and then get mad that they aren’t cleaning how I want them to, so end up doing it myself.
I do not want my kids to get a complex about cleaning, or think that it’s ‘Mommy’s job’ (my 8 year old says this a lot). Both the 18 month old and the 8 year old (and my husband, though he works full-time so doesn’t do as much on days he is working) will be following a bare minimum cleaning routine.
The 8 year old loves water play, and the baby/toddler loves playing with the duster, so we aren’t off to a bad start! I’m looking forward to seeing what sorts of activities they will naturally gravitate towards.
Gentle daily anchors and Summer Rhythms
Instead of planning every minute of every day, I’m focusing on loosey-goosey routines and daily rhythms. While there is an age gap and therefore they have different needs, we all follow a loose routine of when we carry out personal care, nap times, meal and snack times etc.
I’m sketching out a loose rhythm map for us this week. If it actually works and keeps me from losing my mind (*fingers crossed*), I’ll share the template with you all later this summer
Spend at least one hour outside everyday (weather permitting)
Thankfully we live close to a few parks, and we have a decent sized yard. Also, my current obsession with gardening means I know I will be outside a fair bit. Illinois summers are horrible (well, I don’t tolerate heat very well), so I’m hoping to get outside before it gets too hot, or in short bursts. I’ve also purchased this nature based yearly curriculum for my tater tot (the toddler), so I think this summer will be a great time to start that.
Prioritize me time
For me, that’s carrying out a quick daily tea and tarot ritual (which if you are interested, I’ll write about sometime), going to the gym, and reading. In fact, I think I’m going to join a book club this summer, because I need to talk to adults that aren’t my husband or Aunt Cindy. Usually I feel incredibly guilty spending time on me, but no-one benefits from a burnt out, martyr-like parent.
Get involved in the local community
I love being a homemaker, and can always find something to do at home. But this attitude while great for my home has meant that I have a teeny-tiny social circle, and it can feel isolating at times. So this summer, I’ve decided I am going to try and take myself and the kids somewhere new at least once a week. It could be somewhere to eat, shop, play, or a local event. Our local library is amazing, and I plan on attending as many activities as our schedules allow. I can’t be sad I don’t have a village if I don’t let the village know I exist.
This list will probably change over the summer, and I think that is a good thing. That means I stayed open and flexible and learned something. Much like my April experiment, at some point I’ll come back with what I have learned.
I’ve been a parent for 8 years now, and I find it frustrating that I still haven’t got it ‘right’ or figured things out. Even though I try not to let it show, I’m sure these feelings spill over into my parenting. That is not the type of parent I want to be, or for my kids to see that I focus more on my struggles than trying to do something about it. I guess I don’t mind them seeing I failed, because that means I’ve been trying. I want them to know that making the effort for them was a joy and absolutely worth it.
How are you handling the summer shift without losing your mind? If you have a bare-minimum cleaning routine that works for a toddler or a big kid, please drop it in the comments, this mama needs the blueprint!
Until the next magical mess,
Amrita
